garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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