This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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