Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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