he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
