the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
