dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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