yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
