Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
