no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
