I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
