Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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