how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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