the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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