i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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