Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i love accidental penises.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
