why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
