I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
