i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think your dad took our porno
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
