Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
