I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
honey bunches of taint.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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