Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
