So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
