I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
