guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
