So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
