I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
