He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
