nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
