i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
