Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
