I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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