Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
