you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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