Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
