I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
