everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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