I bet he comes in French.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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