I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
