those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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