I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
