i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
