did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
