Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I smell like Dick and happiness
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
