Someone shit on the floor
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
