Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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