I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
