I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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