I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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