So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
