His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
