Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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