I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
