There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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