will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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